Facing My Fear

Last we spoke about my weightloss, I was telling you about how I reached ONEderland and stuff about goals and milestones etc. I also mentioned near the end of the post that I was scared....so I guess that's what I want to talk about, because it will help me get through.
But before I get into it, check out this picture of me from the weekend....down 20 something pounds....I can't really see it here...I really want to, but I don't.  That doesn't mean I look at this picture in disgust, it just means that I can't see the weightloss.  Though I did notice my forearms are looking slimmer ;)

What am I afraid of you ask? Simple....not going any further in my journey, and reason being because this is always where I get to. Right here, right where I am. This is the weight/size where people start noticing, I get comfortable and then slowly creep my way back up to 220 lbs. I've done this on more than one occassion, can't give it a number but if I sat down to think about it, I'd probably need two hands to count.
But my fears are a little more at ease this week and it's because my At Work meetings are starting again on Thursday. It is REALLY convenient and motivating to have this program at the office in addition several of my work buds are rejoining as well...so we've got a nice support system there.
I do believe I've "got it" this time. This time around it doesn't stop with just wanting to be a smaller size, it's an all around "I want to be better to me" thing. I am demanding respect from people around me. I am not letting anyone walk all over me or bring drama to my life and if they do, I am ridding myself of them. This is a more empowered version of myself that I am dealing with. Nothing is stopping me. But I believe it would be easier to slip back into my old ways of eating if the next session of WW wasn't starting at work, I know this because we've been out for a few weeks already and I am finding that I am not as stict with my food choices. So, I guess I don't really "have it" yet....but I am getting there. I hope.
I am quite sure I've put on a few pounds in the past few weeks. We'll see what the scale has to say on Thursday. I'm not gonna let it get me down though. I've got a whole journey ahead of me and I am not always going to be perfect and I need to continue to accept that. I can't get mad at myself for slipping, just pick up again and move forward.
I went to the gym last night. I always feel great after a workout. Proud of myself for taking care of myself. I deserve it. :D
Hope all are enjoying warmer weather and sunshine!!! Have a great week!