I had my first counseling session 2 weeks ago. This was more of the "getting to know you" I basically gave Stacey (the counselor) the story of my life in a nutshell.... I wasn't expecting much feedback that day. What I did walk out of there from her with was a validation of my strength. People tell me all the time how strong I am, but it was nice to hear from a trained professional who is not paid to compliment me.
I had my second session today. We discussed many things, relationships, work, etc...but mainly focused on the fact that I have a talent/natural ability for fashion yet I am not working in that industry. She had me do an imagery exercise where she calms me to a relaxed state by closing my eyes and breathing, and noticing my breath, then relax each part of my body and then imagine myself where I want to be. My mind bounced all around to different things but there were 2 settings. What I imagined was seeing myself in a design room approving sketches for a line...I didn't see any sketches, but there was lots of paper and someone standing there showing me them. I had a sense of lots of energy and there was this bright aura surrounding me which made me feel powerful, successful and happy....lots of color all around the room and then I would bounce to the other setting of still water, a lake. There were lots of trees and flowers and a cabin nearby with a boat dock on the water. I didn't actually see myself like I did in the design room setting, it was more like I was present in the setting, seeing the scene from where I was sitting....does that make any sense?? It was very peaceful and natural. Something I noticed about "being where I want to be" was that there was no man involved. No one to hold me back I guess....
I don't know how all of this ties into the homework assignment she gave me, but I'm sure it does. Well actually the more I think about it, the more it makes total sense....sigh. She wants me to think about when guilt has inhibited me. You have no idea!!! Just about every man I have been in a serious relationship with has made me feel guilty about being me in some form or another....it's no wonder I didn't see one in my imagery of where I want to be.
I'm feeling positive about this. Like I said in my first post, I'm taking baby steps to self improvement. I've got a lot of shit to work out...thankfully nothing too traumatic, at least not traumatic in my book. And it's funny how I'm seeing how so many aspects of my life corrolate to one another though totally seperate from one another.....already, just in session two.
It's a new dawn, it's a new day, it's a new life...for me...and I'm feelin good!
Friday, February 27, 2009
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Are you listening?
I want...
...to be looked at as an equal partner in a relationship
...to have disagreements in an adult fashion i.e. respected opinions, allowing the other to speak, to be heard, without yelling, without name calling, without the need to attack each other verbally
...to have my opinion respected
...to have my feelings considered
...to have the capacity of my heart acknowledged
...to be thought of more often than just on special occassions
...it to be understood that I am not perfect, We are not perfect, but we can try hard to be perfect individuals as well as a perfect couple
...to be an individual and have my own agenda that melds well with our agenda
...to be one half of the couple that works at it and not be with one half of the couple that ignores what needs to be worked at
...to be heard (I already said that, are you listening)
...to be able to look at you and see forever in your eyes and not worry about what the next moments "issue" might be
...to never feel like I have to have one foot out the door...Ever
...it to be understood that each of us has been hurt and burned in past relationships but to not allow that to burden our experience
...to not feel like I am a caged bird
...to have someone know me just as well as I know myself if not better
...to know you just as well as you know yourself, if not better
...to truly be loved for who I am
...to never feel like I should be ashamed of my past experiences
...to be best friends
...to not have petty things over analyzed
...to grow together as well as be able to grow on our own
...to know that my heart is protected & safe
...to respect you because you deserve it
...to trust you because you have earned my trust
...to be trusted because I have earned your trust
...to give you all of my love because you have proved you deserve my all of my heart
...to know love greater than I have ever known
...to be looked at as an equal partner in a relationship
...to have disagreements in an adult fashion i.e. respected opinions, allowing the other to speak, to be heard, without yelling, without name calling, without the need to attack each other verbally
...to have my opinion respected
...to have my feelings considered
...to have the capacity of my heart acknowledged
...to be thought of more often than just on special occassions
...it to be understood that I am not perfect, We are not perfect, but we can try hard to be perfect individuals as well as a perfect couple
...to be an individual and have my own agenda that melds well with our agenda
...to be one half of the couple that works at it and not be with one half of the couple that ignores what needs to be worked at
...to be heard (I already said that, are you listening)
...to be able to look at you and see forever in your eyes and not worry about what the next moments "issue" might be
...to never feel like I have to have one foot out the door...Ever
...it to be understood that each of us has been hurt and burned in past relationships but to not allow that to burden our experience
...to not feel like I am a caged bird
...to have someone know me just as well as I know myself if not better
...to know you just as well as you know yourself, if not better
...to truly be loved for who I am
...to never feel like I should be ashamed of my past experiences
...to be best friends
...to not have petty things over analyzed
...to grow together as well as be able to grow on our own
...to know that my heart is protected & safe
...to respect you because you deserve it
...to trust you because you have earned my trust
...to be trusted because I have earned your trust
...to give you all of my love because you have proved you deserve my all of my heart
...to know love greater than I have ever known
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Baby Steps to Self Improvement
My first entry and I can think of so many things that I would like to start out saying. I will start with what brought me here today to start a blog.
Today I set up an appointment to see a counselor/therapist. I've thought about seeking therapy in the past, but today actually took the first step - finding a therapist and making an appointment.
Before I got in the shower this morning, I did a quick google search to see what was in my area. I was directed to psychologytoday.com. I was immediately drawn to the second therapist on the list. Her picture was displayed and she had a very warm and inviting look. She wasn't very clinical...she has a very friendly vibe. I was extremely happy to see that her office is less than a half mile from my office and as well her specialties are within what I am seeking guidance in. The original reason for my search was for relationship issues...not that I am in a relationship...which is exactly the reason why I am seeking therapy. One of her strengths though is in ADHD. I've been wanting to seek cognitive therapy for this to go along with being medicated for ADHD, but my searches in the past for a therapist didn't get me too far. Just about everything the therapist specializes in is within my main focus of improvement for my life.
These things inclue:
ADHD
Relationship Issues
Divorce
Infertility
Life Coaching
Spirituality
Hre list goes on, but these are what I would like to focus on.
Just my ease in finding her this morning has already given me a positive feeling that I am on the right path. Not to mention that she called me back before I left for lunch, we set up a 1pm appointment for this Friday and she has even discounted her rate for me as I had mentioned to her that I am pretty broke but hoping that through therapy life in general will be better for me and I will become more financially stable. I already see the light at the end of the long tunnel....strange though, I am not expecting this to be a short lived thing, nor am I expecting it to be a very smooth ride but I love to remain positive about things and I see this as one of the most positive things I can do for myself at this darker time in my life.
This is my first step into creating a new world for myself since my break up with Amir. An even more brighter day, an even more positive way. I am hoping to bring out my fullest potential, cause I deserve it! I am observing a lil deeper so that I can treat myself like the princess that I deserve to be treated like.....for once!
I hope to be able to keep this blog as a place to record my successes as well as whatever else may come my way. I've never been all that good at keeping a journal, but I think through this journey of self improvement I may find it easy as well as necessary and I certainly feel that it will be great to look back at and to see how far I've come.
Today I set up an appointment to see a counselor/therapist. I've thought about seeking therapy in the past, but today actually took the first step - finding a therapist and making an appointment.
Before I got in the shower this morning, I did a quick google search to see what was in my area. I was directed to psychologytoday.com. I was immediately drawn to the second therapist on the list. Her picture was displayed and she had a very warm and inviting look. She wasn't very clinical...she has a very friendly vibe. I was extremely happy to see that her office is less than a half mile from my office and as well her specialties are within what I am seeking guidance in. The original reason for my search was for relationship issues...not that I am in a relationship...which is exactly the reason why I am seeking therapy. One of her strengths though is in ADHD. I've been wanting to seek cognitive therapy for this to go along with being medicated for ADHD, but my searches in the past for a therapist didn't get me too far. Just about everything the therapist specializes in is within my main focus of improvement for my life.
These things inclue:
ADHD
Relationship Issues
Divorce
Infertility
Life Coaching
Spirituality
Hre list goes on, but these are what I would like to focus on.
Just my ease in finding her this morning has already given me a positive feeling that I am on the right path. Not to mention that she called me back before I left for lunch, we set up a 1pm appointment for this Friday and she has even discounted her rate for me as I had mentioned to her that I am pretty broke but hoping that through therapy life in general will be better for me and I will become more financially stable. I already see the light at the end of the long tunnel....strange though, I am not expecting this to be a short lived thing, nor am I expecting it to be a very smooth ride but I love to remain positive about things and I see this as one of the most positive things I can do for myself at this darker time in my life.
This is my first step into creating a new world for myself since my break up with Amir. An even more brighter day, an even more positive way. I am hoping to bring out my fullest potential, cause I deserve it! I am observing a lil deeper so that I can treat myself like the princess that I deserve to be treated like.....for once!
I hope to be able to keep this blog as a place to record my successes as well as whatever else may come my way. I've never been all that good at keeping a journal, but I think through this journey of self improvement I may find it easy as well as necessary and I certainly feel that it will be great to look back at and to see how far I've come.
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