2nd Session, 1st Homework Assignment

I had my first counseling session 2 weeks ago. This was more of the "getting to know you" I basically gave Stacey (the counselor) the story of my life in a nutshell.... I wasn't expecting much feedback that day. What I did walk out of there from her with was a validation of my strength. People tell me all the time how strong I am, but it was nice to hear from a trained professional who is not paid to compliment me.

I had my second session today. We discussed many things, relationships, work, etc...but mainly focused on the fact that I have a talent/natural ability for fashion yet I am not working in that industry. She had me do an imagery exercise where she calms me to a relaxed state by closing my eyes and breathing, and noticing my breath, then relax each part of my body and then imagine myself where I want to be. My mind bounced all around to different things but there were 2 settings. What I imagined was seeing myself in a design room approving sketches for a line...I didn't see any sketches, but there was lots of paper and someone standing there showing me them. I had a sense of lots of energy and there was this bright aura surrounding me which made me feel powerful, successful and happy....lots of color all around the room and then I would bounce to the other setting of still water, a lake. There were lots of trees and flowers and a cabin nearby with a boat dock on the water. I didn't actually see myself like I did in the design room setting, it was more like I was present in the setting, seeing the scene from where I was sitting....does that make any sense?? It was very peaceful and natural. Something I noticed about "being where I want to be" was that there was no man involved. No one to hold me back I guess....
I don't know how all of this ties into the homework assignment she gave me, but I'm sure it does. Well actually the more I think about it, the more it makes total sense....sigh. She wants me to think about when guilt has inhibited me. You have no idea!!! Just about every man I have been in a serious relationship with has made me feel guilty about being me in some form or another....it's no wonder I didn't see one in my imagery of where I want to be.

I'm feeling positive about this. Like I said in my first post, I'm taking baby steps to self improvement. I've got a lot of shit to work out...thankfully nothing too traumatic, at least not traumatic in my book. And it's funny how I'm seeing how so many aspects of my life corrolate to one another though totally seperate from one another.....already, just in session two.

It's a new dawn, it's a new day, it's a new life...for me...and I'm feelin good!