This Is My Confession

I have a confession, and this confession was sparked by this Glamour article.

I've been carrying a burden of guilt since I returned from a business trip to Shanghai China in October of 2009.  While doing business there in China, I also managed to squeeze in a bit of "tourist" time.  I hit a "Tourist Hot Spot" with lots of souvenir shops etc. 

While walking along the strip I was approached by a Chinese woman (assumed) holding a small card that was folded.  She unfolded and pointed to this small card.  There were pictures of watches and handbags....knock-offs of designer bags and watches.  She gestured for me to follow her and so I did. 

After a brief  walk down a side road, I followed her into what appeared to be a souvenir shop.  She pushed against a wall which became a doorway into another world.  Behind that wall were several air-conditioned and well merchandised rooms full of knock-off designer goods, totally different from the open-air (equals hot & muggy) shabby souvenir store that I had walked into.  After doing some browsing around, I did not see anything that interested me so I politely thanked them and turned to walk out, but not to lose a sale, she had me follow her to yet another "secret spot".  Again, nothing of interest....we moved on to the next spot....at this point it was more of a thrill to see more of this underground operation.....and finally I found something of interest, after some major haggling, I made a purchase.  I can tell you that I am not very well-liked on the streets of Shanghai, I didn't let them get too far over on me....they didn't "rip me off" in my opinion, they were not happy with me, and their smiles eventually turned into dirty look.....they never thanked me for my purchase, in fact as I walked out, I think I heard someone grunt.

I had dirty feeling of being a fraud & guilty afterward, not to mention thankful that I didn't get kidnapped or worse.  You have to realize that I am an American woman in a foreign country, shopping in an underground secret world....I definitely took a chance.   

I seldom wear the handbag that I purchased that day .  I can probably count the number of times I've used it on one hand....and when I do, I feel like a fake...a liar....a cheat...a fraud and I want to hide the bag so that no one who is wiser can look at me and judge and think that I am a fake.  So here I am confessing (and also praying that the powers that be are not reading this and looking for me now).  While I'm at it I might as well also confess to having purchased other faux-items which were then gifted to recipients who were well aware of the origin and lack of authenticity.

The Glamour article link above relates to a study of how women who knowingly purchase and carry fake designer bags are more likely to lie and cheat on tests...and while it's been a long time since I have taken a test, I do feel guilt....each time I look at it in my closet., just as if I would feel guilt if I had cheated on a test and then passed.

Why do I feel so guilty?  because while I haven't done any reading up on it, I am quite sure that I committed a crime by making these purchases...I am sure that the crime didn't start and end that day that I followed the woman into the underground world....moreover, I question whether people sacrificed their lives at all so that I could carry that FAKE bag?  I know that seems extreme, but it is a BIG business just like illegal drugs, it is definitely a possibility and I just can't happily go on owning this bag with those thoughts in the back of my mind.  In addition, as a self-proclaimed designer, how could I knowingly commit such a crime against my own kind?!?!?!

I've been thinking about getting rid of it for a while..to rid myself of this guilt.  I've thought about giving it away...I've thought about throwing it away...but if I throw it away, I am adding to the landfills....if I give it away, someone else will be carrying it...and it will still be in existence....and I'll still feel the guilt knowing it is still out there. 

Perhaps I should have a burning of the bag ceremony....nothing fancy or cult-like...just a backyard fire with chopped up wood and a fake hand-bag.....but then I may be releasing toxic fumes into our breathing air.....sigh

what to do...what to do....

I think I'll go have a Red-Bull...speaking of Red Bull, did you know that it is illegal in some countries???  Now that is just CRAZY talk!